I applied to be readmitted into the RN to BSN program. It feels good because it means that my house rebuild is coming along. I was already registered for classes when the fire broke out, taking everything with it. I was determined to keep going straight through college until my Masters. All the upheaval caused by the fire made it a straight uphill battle to put much focus on my studies. Being entirely online, there was no class discussion or connection to other students to help remain motivated. And all the “build my life back” took center stage and pushed my homework to the back burner. When i finished my last semester at ETSU i did not sign up for more classes. I could not even bear to look at my final grades because i knew that my personal circumstances were the only thing standing in the way of my studies and so i had to remind myself that those grades did not define me. I know i can do this and i know that i can choose to look only at the destination sometimes in order to keep pressing forward with my goals. So I did let the semester end without ever even knowing whether i passed my classes or not. Im used to failure. Im used to getting chosen last and coming into last place. But through it all i have learned a great deal about the hidden gifts inside failure. I have gained extra appreciation for every opportunity that comes my way and for how i arrived at every mile stone. I tell everyone that ive always wanted to be a nurse. That is true but not entirely. I also dreamt often of becoming a police officer. I had a major fan crush on Sharon Gless (and Tyne Daly if im being entirely honest lol) from the series “Cagney and Lacey” two badass cops who bring realness to the job and show the tough resilient side of women. I rarely saw anyone around me in my community really amount to anything. Most people in Michigan were proud to work at General Motors. Anyone who did not get the prestigious job of working any role at GM was retired from GM or on disability from GM and NONE of these people were related to me or associated with the people that were technically considered “my people”. To dream of becoming a nurse or a cop were things so far above my caste that anyone who learned of me having such goals would awkwardly praise me or laugh in disbelief. Another moment of truth is that i may not have been able to handle the demands and sacrifices required back in my 20s. I new my brain worked pretty good most of the time because i loved to read and could really place myself in any story. I fully comprehended the amazing stories i read. I also became a master of observation. Being capable of fully observing any situation or surrounding and being an avid reader told me that my brain did work in spite of the fact that i had ADHD and unless off by myself in a quiet place to concentrate on reading, it took me several attempts to fully finish reading long sentences in textbooks because my mind would not hold concentration long enough to finish. My love for reading kept me from giving up. Time is a beautiful thing like that though and as i got older, i slowly leveled up in my self confidence on what i could convince myself of achieving. By the time i began my prereqs in my 40s , my youngest daughter was in high school. So to many, becoming a college student in my 40s with alot of life experience to help me get by , this was a great advantage. But at the same time, Being in my 20s and 30s were painful and took much energy to work through alot of personal stuff to be able to step outside of myself and actively seek to achieve bigger goals. I still can hardly believe i made it into nursing school and i have been a licensed registered nurse for over a year now. I may finish last alot , but i do finish and that to me is as amazing at coming in first place. I may have faced many more setbacks but here i am today back in the game of obtaining my BSN and it feels soooo good. First up, History lol.